Tiffany Hendra has been a mentor and inspiration to me over the past few years. She constantly teaches me through coaching, her social media presence, and YouTube channel. I have learned so much from Tiffany and I can’t wait to share some of her incredible knowledge with you today!! I sent out an Instagram survey asking what questions you guys have about self confidence and empowerment… below Tiff answered a few!

Q: What is your best tip for a quick confidence boost?

A: My go-to method for a quick boost and “state” change is to get quiet, close my eyes, and visualize a time when I felt super confident and replay that achievement like a movie in your mind for 15-30 seconds. It could be that time you nailed a business presentation or won a tennis tournament. Often, we allow our mind to slide into the gutter and beat ourselves up. Instead, shift into thinking of your wins and victories more! Instant mood and confidence lift.

Q: How to be confident when you walk into a room alone and know no one?

A: Wow, do I feel this one. When I first moved back to Dallas 6 years ago and was invited to tons of events where I didn’t know a soul, I had to sharpen this skill lightening quick. You turn to jelly with the sick feeling in my stomach, clammy armpits, rolling the shoulders forward and fidget with the hair — NOT a cute look. We worry if people are going to like us, if we picked out the perfect outfit, if we are going to sound articulate/ funny/ interesting, etc.. which is all self-focused. The shift I found to be the most effective was getting the focus off myself and deciding that I would go in to each event and be a blessing, a light. A surefire way to increase your confidence is to do the courageous thing like walking up to a stranger at a party and introduce yourself and be genuinely interested in them. You may just make a fabulous new friend or 3!

Q: How do you up your confidence with public speaking?

A: My entire career has been in front of the camera, but I had a deep fear of public speaking. About 5 years ago, I was constantly being asked to speak and share my story and I would think of every excuse in the book to decline. I kept letting myself down which only kept my confidence low in this area. It was crucial that I overcame this in order to share my message and help more women. I learned to HARNESS the fear instead of allowing it to take me down! It sounds counterintuitive, but make friends with your fear. Control it instead of it controlling you. Lastly, before you get on stage imagine your heart sending love to every person in the audience. This will create an immediate sense of connection which is vital between you and your listeners. Have fun and they will have fun with you!

Q: How do you deal with toxic women who break down other women?

A: This is easy — you don’t deal with them. I have a term I share with my clients who are dealing with toxic friendships and that is to be “unavailable” for the behavior. DO NOT ENGAGE. Do not lower your standards by engaging in that low vibration and low energy behavior. If you get a toxic “high drama” text from that friend — do not reply and get sucked into the drama. if you are at lunch or happy hour with a friend who wants to gossip and cut down other women, be brave and confident to shut down the conversation and say something nice about that person. A woman who is breaking down another woman to elevate herself is at her core a bully, living in deeply rooted fear and completely insecure. When a woman is not yet empowered and sees great qualities in another woman it is often like holding a mirror to herself and her own shortcomings. Instead of celebrating and appreciating another woman’s intelligence, quick wit, charisma, beauty or mad style– she will find a negative to hyperfocus on to make herself feel better. Empowered women, empower women. Period. We all need to do the work!

Q: Thoughts on the saying “fake it till ya make it”?

A: Actually, the only situation that this saying applies to is to this very topic of boosting confidence. I prefer the term “act as if” and am a firm believer in the power of positive affirmations or declarations over yourself. It is proven scientifically that the repetition of a positive affirmation over about 21 days does have the power to change our negative subconscious programming. Cultivating courage on a regular basis will give a result of more confidence. It’s a principle I see over and over in the women I work with. Start with courage –which is doing the hard things and acting as if you are confident even when you still feel the fear. The end result is true lasting confidence. Look for opportunities to cultivate courage!

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Some tips on feeling and appearing more confident…

-XOXO TIFFANY

Much Love,
Sophie